He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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