I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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