awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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