he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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