I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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