Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
