i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
