Betty ford says i'm here all night
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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