Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
