In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
