The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
