I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize
