I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
