btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize