This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
