so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
