I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
