You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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