is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
