look no pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
