I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
