Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
