Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
