feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
