good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
