She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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