Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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