I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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