Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize