I got chris browned last night
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
