a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
