hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
