Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
