When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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