i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
