All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
