Plan B is the new Plan A
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
