Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
