i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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