I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
