You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
