David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
