how can u be prego again
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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