Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
