11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i've created a new STD.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
