Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
