bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
