btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
