Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
