your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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