Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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