Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
