i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
