Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
