I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
