Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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