I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
