If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
