my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
