She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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