were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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