And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
