I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
