After last night, I could never be a politician.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
