Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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