took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
