So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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