there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
